An Auspicious Beginning

Do not be fooled by what your calendar tells you; In Cardinals Nation, it is still 2007. A year where any number of magical things can happen: your manager falls asleep drunk behind the wheel, your outfielder is blinded by a foul ball, your relief pitcher is killed in a drunk driving accident, your utility guy goes to rehab.

Oh oh. Somebody should've kept that utility guy in Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab Center For People Who Are Barely, Kinda Celebrities.

"Utilityman Scott Spiezio was cut by the St. Louis Cardinals on Wednesday, released after being charged in a six-count complaint involving drunken driving and assault in a December car crash."

Six counts? That's pretty intense. I've been pretty drunk before, but never had a drinking excursion amount to more than, say, three criminal charges. How does one rack up six counts in one fell swoop?

"Irvine police responded to a report of a single-car crash at 12:20 a.m. on Dec. 30.

Officers found a 2004 BMW registered to Spiezio had crashed into a curb and fence. The driver was seen running from the crash site, Handfield said.

A neighbor told police Spiezio arrived at their condo complex appearing disheveled and apparently injured. The neighbor said Spiezio allegedly assaulted him, causing significant injuries, Handfield said."

Oh, that's how. Another story notes that Spiezio also vomited on the neighbor, or on his condo.

So it's a sad story all around; Spiezio, an unlikely hero in the 2006 playoffs, is probably done in baseball. He's also the man who gave the world this tattoo:




That's the class that the Cardinals organization stands for. Which gets to the point: Where is this franchise going? We've had the DUI of the manager, the DUI death of a player, the drunk driving smashup of another player. We're amassing a veritable Steroid All Stars team - Ankiel, Glaus, Ryan Franklin, and now the "Why Is He Even In Camp" Juan Gonzalez. These distractions are going to help a team rebuild towards the next successful stage? LaRussa even petitioned management to sign Barry Bonds. While Bonds is a player of tremendous OPS skills, even at this stage, he can't play the outfield. And, oh yeah, he's been indicted on federal charges and will be in court all year.




Preston Taguchimaker, where are you now? The Cardinals need you. You stunk, but at least we knew you were clean. Someone light up the Taguchimaker beacon!
















(which is the silhouette of a batter swinging and missing at a slider in the dirt.)